Skyline - Don't Look Up . . . AT THE SCREEN!!!

So here we are. Skyline. Skyline Skyline Skyline. I have no idea where to begin.
Okay let's make a start at the plot of the film.


Skyline is written and directed by Colin and Greg Strause otherwise known as "The Brothers Grim Strause". They started out their career as special effects (or visual is you prefer) artists. They then went onto direct "Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem" (which was . . .yeah) and now we have what seems to be the vaguely interesting Skyline. Skyline has the premise of mysterious lights falling to Earth and anyone who looks into the lights are drawn to it like a moth to a flame but once they enter or even go near the light they are sucked up like a tractor beam and into a spaceship with hundreds of other unsuspecting victims. Now I have to admit after seeing the original trailer and hearing about it, it did sound pretty cool but then I saw the reviews which is when I discovered it was universally panned by critics and the public.


So What's Wrong With It?


Hmm where to begin?

The Face For Leading Man Material?

Well we have Eric Balfour (from Haven and that one episode of Celebrity Ghost Stories) who plays Jarrod. Who let's face it doesn't have the looks for leading man material. Not that I want to be a bully (I for one would love to see Michael Bay cast an actress that has never modelled before) but The Brothers Strause have obviously wanted a big action epic with Eric Balfour playing Jarod - the "hot sexy leading hero playboy" who will save the day. But I'm afraid with Balfour in the lead role that notion is dumbed down to "hot sexy leading hero playboy".

Eric Balfour is Skyline

But back to his "performance" well he was good in Ed, Edd and Eddy (see above) but there is no room for wooden acting when his fellow cast members also attempt to act only to deliver even more wooden performances. 


David Zayas (who plays Angel Batista on Showtime's Dexter) delivers probably the best performance but still comes across as boring. Donald Faison (Black Scrubs from Scrubs) attempted to bring us what he calls "serious acting" but unfortunately he should stick to comedy (not that I find Scrubs funny, sorry Scrubs fans).


The movie itself is very very dim witted. It is written as if a twelve year old wrote it for an English assignment. The script is poorly written as stuff just tends to happen and is nearly entirely set in this one apartment building.


(I know I'm not actually saying much about the movie itself just key points because this movie is seriously one of the worst movies I have ever seen!)


After the tedious apartment scenes we get to see quite a lot of running only to have our main characters sucked up into the light where we finally get to see what the aliens are doing with the humans. The aliens are extracting human brains and putting them into alien bodies. Jarrod's pregnant girlfriend helplessly watches on as her precious plank Jarrod has his brain extracted. After discovering she is pregnant the aliens send her to a chamber where the pregnant women are being held but Jarrod somehow retaining his humanity in his new alien body finds his way to his girlfriend where he places his hand on her stomach to which she mutters the cliché "realising your not my enemy but my friend line" (in this case it being his name).


Elaine: (Soft whisper + Plank Acting + Gasp) Jarrod?


New Jarrod now fights his way out of the ship with pregnant girlfriend in toe which is where the movie thankfully ends.


So What's Good About It?


Naturally the film's visual and special effects do look spot on but this is because the director's used to be special effects artists which is why they thought it be necessary to waste 95% of their budget on the visual effects.


Rating


Well after watching it with my brother we both shared the same reactions as well as sharing the same reactions as mostly every other movie fan, mostly.


What rating I give this movie? Bearing in mind that my review hardly told you anything but the criticism as there is hardly anything good about it and the plot is utter shit. So ... rating?


Out of five I give this movie . . .


2 stars
1 star okay, for its visual effects.